Startup Idea : New paradigm publishing STEAMFUNK BOOK DEAL NEGOTIATION: OFFICIAL (TOTALLY LEGAL) PRE-COMMISSION CONTRACT
SELLER (ME, THE ARTISTE):
- Possessor of "The Greatest Steamfunk Epic Never Written (Yet)"
- Willing to part with potential masterpiece for the right price (emotional or financial)
- Retains all rights, copyrights, and cosmic bragging rights
- Offers exclusive NFT of gratitude (non-fungible, non-refundable, non-sensible)
BUYER (YOU, THE LUCKY PATRON):
- Gains the privilege of knowing this book might exist because of you
- Pays 300% "Dream Tax" upfront (negotiable down to exposure, vibes, or a firm handshake)
- Acknowledges this is a pre-commission (i.e., you pay for the idea of a book, not the book itself)
- Agrees that if the book does get written, you get zero profits but all the glory (delivered via tweet)
NEGOTIATION PHASE: PICK YOUR PATH
OPTION 1: THE "I'M FEELING GENEROUS" DEAL
- You wire me three (3) hypothetical fortunes (backed by future hopes)
- I write one (1) sentence per year (quality guaranteed, delivery dubious)
- Bonus: Your name in the acknowledgments as "Probably the Reason This Exists (Maybe)"
OPTION 2: THE "LET'S BE REALISTIC" BARGAIN
- You pay me in memes, moral support, and one (1) used carburetor
- I draft an outline so vague it could be a grocery list
- Bonus: You receive a personalized haiku about your investment prowess
OPTION 3: THE "I'M A HARDBALL NEGOTIATOR" POWER MOVE
- You offer a single copper penny and a stern look
- I counter with a 500-word rant about capitalism
- We settle on you getting nothing, but we both pretend you won
CLOSING TERMS & CONDITIONS (KINDA)
- By agreeing to this deal, you forfeit the right to complain (verbally or telepathically).
- All disputes will be settled via steampunk pistol duel (verbal rounds only).
- If the book does get published, you must pretend you saw it coming.
- NFT redemption: Present to any alleyway philosopher for one (1) free shrug.
FINAL OFFER (LAST CHANCE!... MAYBE)
"Look, we both know this is a terrible deal. But terrible deals are the foundation of great legends. So, do we have an accord? Or do I have to start begging again? (Which I won’t. Because I have dignity.)"
SIGN HERE: _________________________ (or don’t, I’m not your dad)
POST-SCRIPT: If you decline, the Iron Oracle will know. And it judges. 😉
